


Running Away and Hiding With You

by flax_wench, LilaHurley



Series: Late Dawns and Early Sunsets [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Again, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Crying, Fighting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Lots of Crying, Love, M/M, Making Out, Nothing triggering, Phone Sex, Pining, Rimming, Sexting, Yall know how it ends if you read part 1, You gotta read part 1 first!!!, just a worrysome Gee, virgin!Gerard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-04 22:39:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12781140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flax_wench/pseuds/flax_wench, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilaHurley/pseuds/LilaHurley
Summary: Gerard feels like he's being pulled in two directions.His heart, his love, pulling him towards Frank.His brain, his anxiety, pulling him away.His conflicting feelings are pulling the band apart and he's scrambling to find a solution.





	Running Away and Hiding With You

**Author's Note:**

> back again with the promised Gerard POV!! we both complained a lot while we did this, just like any parent complains about their troublesome child. 
> 
> we hope you love it as much as you loved the first (read the part 1 first) 
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated as always, we love yall!

Gerard stands at the tiny, cracked mirror. He huffs impatiently as he tries to wipe the remains of the black smudges under his eye. Behind him he knows the scene he'll turn around to. Ray will probably be worshipping his guitar as if it were a beautiful woman, Mikey is probably texting some girl and taking up most of the room on the only seating they have, Frank is probably watching them all and generally being a creepy little dude.

Gerard is snapped out of his thoughts by Frank taking jabs at Mikey.

"Your _mom_ told me it was rude." Frank smirks. Gerard lifts his hand to throw away the makeup stained wipe, laughing tightly under his breath.

"Dick," he grumbles, angrily chucking the wipe into the overflowing bin, as he turns around he notices Frank is watching him with wide eyes, "don't talk about my mom like that."

Gerard stomps towards the door that Frank is leaning against, pushing it with more force than is necessary. Frank yelps quietly as he falls backwards, his top half now laying in the hall outside the dressing room. Gerard lets it slam shut on him, uncaring.

As he approaches the corner, he hears Frank yell after him.

"What's your fucking problem?" is the last thing he hears before he pushes the fire door open. His boots crunch on the loose gravel as he drags himself to the van. He yanks the door open and throws himself on the middle seat like a petulant child.

His _problem_ is that he hasn't so much as jerked off in over a week. There's a constant dull throb in his crotch, even when he isn't hard.

He reflects on the conversation he had with Mikey on the way to the venue this afternoon.

_He'd glanced over at Mikey's phone as his thumbs typed furiously. His eyes widened as he saw that Mikey was talking about some girls pussy. Pulling a face, he quickly turned to the front as Mikey closed his phone._

_"Girls love it." Mikey drawls, stretching his lanky arms in the air and hanging them over the back of the seat._

_"Love-love what?" Gerard stammers, knowing his face is flushed bright red. Mikey chuckles shortly before he brings one arm around to poke Gerard in the arm._

_"The talk," He shrugs. Gerard finally looks back at Mikey, his brow furrowed in confusion. Mikey groans and brings his phone up to Gerard's face, "Sexting, you know? Sex texting. Find a person at a show, exchange numbers, talk dirty. It's that easy."_

_"And-and it's like, gratifying?"_

_"Yeah, sometimes they wanna meet up and do physical sex. Penetrative." Mikey wiggles his fingers at Gerard like he's the Cryptkeeper._

_"Shut up," Gerard shoves at Mikey, "You know I don't do random hookups."_

_"You don't do hook ups full stop, Gee. There's a guy in this van, fluffy hair, short man syndrome, smells like bin juice? He'd be down for a hook up," Mikey says, he reaches into his jacket pocket to get out a cigarette. No cigarettes, "Did you take my last fucking cigarette?"_

_Gerard looks sheepish as he grumbles, "Frank took my last one."_

_Mikey grunts and throws the empty packet on the floor, "Just take it into consideration, Frank will be down for some sexy texty." He laughs._

_Gerard looks out the window at the trees as they pass them rapidly. Maybe he should ask Frank if he knows what Mikey is talking about._

Gerard is once again pulled out of his thoughts by Ray and Mikey pulling the van door open. Ray goes straight to the back, presumably to find somewhere comfortable to sleep before anyone else can take up room. Mikey lifts Gerard's legs and places them on his lap.

"What was wrong back there? Did you and Frank talk about it already?" Mikey asks. He rubs easy circles into Gerard's ankle, it's always been a good way to centre him when he's riled up.

"No, no not yet. I'm just so tired. I'll apologise for snapping at him, but I'm going to wait til the hotel night before I speak to him." Gerard says. He does feel bad about being so rude to Frank, they always made 'your mom' jokes.

Mikey hums in reply, dropping his head back and falling asleep almost instantly. Gerard closes his eyes, hoping to get a few hours before his brain catches up with him.

He's almost asleep when he hears gravel crunching under heavy footsteps. Frank yanks open the van door and immediately climbs into the back with Ray, throwing his bag to his feet as he lays down. Gerard watches him get comfortable on the deflated air mattress, before his eyes close and he falls into a light sleep.

*  
Gerard couldn’t sleep.

All he could think about was how horribly he had treated Frank that evening. He was having a rough time handling being on tour; he was used to having his own space, to be able to get away from people every now and then, to be able to jerk off when he was stressed. Now he was stuck in a van or a venue with all these other guys, and he had zero privacy. It was driving him nuts.

It still wasn’t an excuse to take it out on Frank, but spending all this time together just made him more confused. Frank was his best friend since the moment they met, someone he knew would always be in his life. That instant connection was undeniable, and when he started thinking of Frank in other ways, ways that made him burn with embarrassment and need, he decided to push Frank away.

Gerard had never known what it was like to be wanted; he was that weird, chubby kid in school, the loner who preferred music and comic books to socializing. So when the cutest guy he’d ever met suddenly became close, almost too close, Gerard began to shut down.

He’d seen the look in Frank’s eyes every time they fought, every time he pushed and pushed, and each time Gerard broke his own heart a little more.

“Why am I like this?” Whispering to the ceiling of the van as it rumbled along the highway, tears began to sting his eyes. He looked at Mikey, fast asleep beside him. “I love him, Mikes. God, I love him.”

Wiping away the tears before they could spill from his eyes, Gerard noticed a smudge of eyeliner he must’ve missed. “Fuck,” he mumbled, searching for his makeup bag, in need of a wipe. Rummaging through his things, he came up empty handed. He searched through Mikey’s bag as well, beginning to panic.

“Where the fuck is my makeup bag?” He continued to search in panic, knowing if he lost his makeup he likely wouldn’t be able to replace it for a while. “Guys, where’s my shit?”

He climbed over the seats, trying not to land on Ray of Frank, but his brain was buzzing something fierce, and he couldn’t care about anything but the stupid makeup. See, it wasn’t just the makeup that he cared so much about; there was something else in the bag, something that he didn’t want anyone else to find.

“It’s in my bag,” Frank replied, clearly annoyed. Gerard blanched, praying Frank hadn’t looked inside. “I picked it up on our way out. You’re welcome.” Gerard searched Frank’s bag like a madman, terrified of what Frank would say if he had found what was inside. “Chill out dude, it’s just makeup.”

But the thing was, it wasn’t just makeup. He’d poured his heart out one night, after having a little too much to drink, finally explaining his feelings and how he loved Frank all this time. He didn’t know why he kept the letter; maybe he was hoping Frank would find it, or he would finally find the balls to give it to him. Yet the thought of Frank knowing how he felt made him break out in a cold sweat.

“Why didn’t you tell me you grabbed it? Were you just going to let me freak out all day? Is this funny or something??” He could feel his anxiety rising along with his anger, feeling like this was all a joke to Frank. There was a soft nudging of his foot, and he knew Ray had tapped at him, his own way of telling him to calm down.

Frank denied everything of course, and in his heart Gerard knew he would never be so cruel. Frank was one of the sweetest people he knew, and even though they were having problems lately, Frank would never act in such a way. Gerard felt the heavy weight of guilt resting on his chest.

He headed back to his seat, climbing over Ray and Frank, his foot slipping and pushing down on Frank’s shoulder. “I don’t know what the hell your problem is, Gee,” he practically spat, “but get fucked.”

He was just about to apologize, to tell Frank it was an accident, but he felt Mikey’s hand on his shoulder.

“He doesn’t mean it,” Mikey whispered. “He’s just tired.”

“I’m pretty sure he means it. I’ve been... I’ve been awful to him, Mikes. I honestly deserve all of his anger.”

Mikey gave him one of his knowing looks, his jaw tight and eyebrows furrowed. “Why don’t you just tell him?”

Gerard scoffed, “You know I can’t do that. I can’t put myself out there like that, what would happen if he didn’t feel the same? What about the band? I can’t do it, I just... it’s too much of a risk.” Mikey nodded knowingly, and Gerard could practically hear the wheels in his head turning. “Don’t, please. Don’t try to make me ask him out.”

Mikey smirked. “Come on, Gee. When have I ever been that obvious?”

*

Gerard can hear Frank mumbling behind him, every time he catches an 's' on the end of a word, his brain focuses on that instead of the sharp eyeliner pencil precariously close to his eyeball.

He sighs and drops the pencil onto his lap, lowering the CD he'd swiped from the van to use as a mirror. Lifting his head and staring at the wall, he grumbles, "Please shut up Frank, I can't see."

"That makes no fucking sense, you neanderthal." Frank snapped, Gerard heard the rustle of clothing and the slam of a door before he looked behind himself to see Frank had retreated into the bathroom. If it could be called that, a room with a broken shower and a questionable toilet.

Gerard marched over to the stained door and kicked it once as he yelled "Neanderthal is a big word for a caveman like you!"

He turned his mouth down and ran a shaking hand through his greasy hair. Why was he so angry again? Frank yelled something back but it was muffled by the blood pounding in Gerard's ears. He needed to have a long sit down with himself and think about his anger problems, he couldn't keep snapping at people like this. Most of his anger is directed at Frank and it makes him feel sick, he loves him.

He _loves_ him.

He feels the tightness in his throat as he holds back tears. He needs a cigarette and he needs Mikey.

Mikey is on the ball as soon as Gerard croaks out a quiet "Mikes", pulling him by the arm til they're outside. Gerard heaves in a deep breath, patting his entire body down dramatically as he feels for his cigarettes.

He growls in frustration when he feels nothing, only to have a lit cigarette softly placed into his mouth before he fully opens his mouth to loudly exclaim his frustrations.

"What's going on, Gee? Do you need to go back to the van?" Gerard knew what Mikey was asking, does he want to cancel the show tonight? Absolutely not, he needed to smoke, scream into a mic, feel everything leave his body as he throws himself into the music. He needed the show now, more than anything.

"No, no Mikes. I'm fine for the show, I just needed air. I'm just so angry, I don't know what it is, I just snap at him every time he says _anything_." Gerard whines. He sucks in the last of his cigarette and pushes it into the ground with the toe of his boot until there's barely anything left on the filthy floor.

"You _need_ to speak to him, tonight. I'll take Ray, you and Frank can talk it out and hopefully settle anything going on in your head." Gerard pulled Mikey in for a hug, breathing in the familiar _homehomehome_ smell.

"Thanks, Mikes. Don't know what I'd do without you."

Gerard feels electric on stage. There's no other word for it. Actually, maybe sexy, he feels sexy and electric on stage. He's prowling around like he's hunting his next meal, licking up the side of the mic lewdly, biting his lip as he cups himself and thrusts his hips. He catches Frank's eyes watching him more than once, and he's glad, the show is for him after all.

Gerard always times it perfectly, waits until his energy and excitement is at its height before he saunters over to Frank. They do this all the time, it's just a stage thing. It's just a stage thing. It's not, but Gerard would never tell Frank otherwise. He grabs the front of Frank's shirt, twists it up in his fist and pulls Frank into him harshly.

Their lips meet with no finesse, slipping over each other wetly. Gerard tightens his hand and steps closer, poking his tongue into Frank's lip quickly before he retracts it and steps back, disconnecting their mouths.

He bends down for the mic, a smirk playing on his lips as an idea pops into his head. He looks over his shoulder at Frank with his eyes hooded, catching the surprised look on his face. Gerard quickly winks before he scoops the mic up and continues singing.

After the show, and the short drive in the van, they arrive at the run down hotel that they'll call home for tonight. Ray immediately disappears while Frank, Mikey and Gerard hand out cigarettes and lighters. Gerard starts patting himself down for a lighter again, getting frustrated as Ray comes bouncing out of the reception area. Frank throws a lighter to Gerard, who lights his cigarette and slips it into his pocket.

Before Frank can say anything, Ray tugs on his arm. He throws at key card at Mikey while muttering something about "smoking in the rooms" and continuing to pull Frank toward their door.

Gerard looks over at Mikey silently, who shrugs and walks away. Gerard follows his younger brother into the damp smelling room, falling backwards onto a bed and puffing on his cigarette. The ceiling is yellow.

"So I've told Ray I want to go back to the bar for a few drinks, talk to Frank." Mikey says as he pulls a hair dye stained towel out of a duffle bag, and shuffles over to the shower.

20 minutes later, he's back out and shrugging on his leather jacket as he shouts a quick "bye!" to Gerard.

Gerard sits on his bed with his phone in his palm, wondering if he should text Frank or just go and get a shower, but his phone buzzes a second later.

That settles that.

He opens it to find a very easy, "Hey."

Gerard sends a "Hey" back, kicking his heavy boots off and shuffling up the bed. He replies to Frank's simple questions while he thinks about how to approach what Mikey told him about a few weeks ago.

He's just gonna go for it. His phone buzzes again and his eyes widen at the message. This is is a good in. Frank is talking about getting naked, Gerard can make a move with that. Before he can type a reply, he gets another quick text.

From Frank 10.35pm  
I mean because they're filthy.

Gerard gulps, quickly sending something back and closing his eyes as he hits send. "Are you a filthy boy, Frankie?" He scrambles to make a joke to follow, quickly hitting send and hoping it'll mask his awkward creepiness.

_"Are you a filthy boy, Frankie?"_? What the fuck was he thinking?! That's enough to make Gerard want to curl up and die. He really considers jumping up and down on his phone, grinding it between his feet and the floor until its dust, sweeping up the dust and setting fire to it, taking the ashes and locking them in a safe, taking the safe to the ocean and-

His phone buzzes.

Oh Jesus, Frank is playing along. He could be filthier. He's right, he _could_. Gerard wants to be the one to make that happen. He thinks back to the sexting thing Mikey mentioned to him. He hastily asks Frank if he's heard of it, grabbing the pillow from behind him and pushing it over his face.

Oh thank God, Frank agrees, how _can_ it be sexy? Gerard sighs happily, jokingly "sexting" Frank, not expecting it to go anywhere.

That's how he found himself, pants and boxers down to his knees, hand loosely wrapped around his cock. He knows they've gone too far to undo anything, but fuck, Frank is into this too, and the spark of hope in Gerard's chest is enough to make him keep going.

Frank hasn't replied for a few minutes, and Gerard is impatient. He picks his phone up, it even thinking before he hits 'call', laying the phone on the pillow next to his head and pressing his ear against it.

Frank answers instantly.

"Fuck, where did you _go?_ " Gerard breaks off to pant, twisting his hand on his cock harshly as electric shoots through every part of his body. Frank says something back, but it's muffled. Like he's speaking around something.

Gerard instantly imagines his own throbbing cock in Frank's mouth, his eyes rolling back as he hears Frank pant in his ear.

"Oh fuck, more, tell me more." Gerard's eyes are squeezed closed, his feet spread apart as his hips thrust into his tightly closed fist. Frank is crying out and rambling about swallowing Gerard down, eating his come, his mouth filthy.

Gerard doesn't know what comes over him, "Want to turn you on your stomach and eat you out, will you let me do that?" He begs, his hair now limp and sweaty, laying against his forehead.

Frank starts chanting, and Gerard's hips lift a final time as thick globs of come start dripping down his knuckles, dripping down into his dark public hair, the angles of his hips in the air and his shoulders pressed to the mattress making it slide down onto his stomach.

He falls back to the sheets with a grunt, pulling down his shirt and using the bottom hem to badly wipe at his mess.

He gulps down air like his lungs have never been used before, his brain slowly catching up with what just happened. Oh fuck, _what just happened?_

He notices his phone, having slipped down and cradled between his neck and shoulder. He picks it up to see Frank still on the line.

He lifts it to his face and presses against his ear, he can't hear anything on the other side.

"Fuck," he whimpers, "What did we just do, Frank?"

Before Frank can reply, Gerard hangs up. His phone drops from his hand carelessly, landing on the bed with a bounce and flopping onto the floor. He stares down at it with a stoney face. Fuck, Frank did reply. If Gerard wasn't so preoccupied with himself he would have seen it, there would have been no reason to call.

He bites his trembling lip in a failed attempt to stop the tears from spilling down his cheeks. He heaves three ugly breaths, each burning more than the last, tears pouring so rapidly they fill the hollow of his throat and spill down his chest.

He picks up a pillow, biting down on it and screaming as harshly as he can, what the _fuck_ has he done? Not only did he possibly fuck everything up with the band, he made it worse by _hanging up_ on the person he loves.

His phone buzzes on the floor but Gerard doesn't hear it, still biting down on the pillow as he sobs like a child.

His cries die down, replaced by the feeling of absolute emptiness. He sits with his expression emotionless, dumbly reaching down to pull his pants back up and going back to staring at the wall.

He hears the van pull up outside, and he quickly stands up to push the duvet aside before he slides in and covers himself up to the top of his head.

Mikey crashes into the room, knocking into the table next to Gerard's bed. He must lean down and pick up the phone next to his foot, Gerard tries to find it in him to care enough to worry that Mikey will see the texts, but instead of hearing hearing shocked gasp, he just feels Mikey place it next to his pillow.

He fucking _loves_ his little brother.

Mikey is asleep and snoring in minutes, Gerard stays awake til he hears the birds singing, their carefree song lulling him into a fitful sleep.

*

“Mikey? Mikey. Mikey, wake up,” Gerard nudged his brother softly, trying not to be too forceful. “Mikey, please, we’ve gotta talk!”

“Hmmph,” Mikey groaned, rolling over to face him. “Wassa matter?”

Gerard didn’t know where to begin. “I did something real fuckin stupid Mikes, you’ve gotta help me out. I’ve ruined everything, I fucked it all up, you’ve gotta-“

“Slow down, Jesus, you can’t just wake me up and start telling me the world is over.” Mikey adjusted himself, sitting back against the headboard of the bed. “Now calm down and tell me what happened.”

“I can’t. I just... I’ve hurt him. He’s my best friend and I fucking hurt him.” Gerard looked at his hands, which were now clasped in his lap.

“Gerard, what happened? What’s wrong?”

I’m a fuck up, he thought, I’ve lost any chance I had with the only person I’ve ever loved.

“I... I kinda freaked out.” Silence held thick in the air as Mikey simply looked at him. “Something happened... while you were gone.”

“Then why the did you freak out?” Mikey dragged a hand down his face, clearly frustrated. “Do you regret it?”

“No! God, no.” He sighed. “He offered to forget about it, but I don’t want that.”

“Then fucking tell him! Christ, I love you Gee, but what’s up with these horrible communication skills?”

Gerard’s hands twisted uncomfortably in his lap. “Every time I think he likes me, my fucked up brain tells me it’s not real. Like he’s just being nice. Or worse, he’s playing some sort of joke on me.”

“Do you honestly think I’d be his friend if I thought he would treat you that way?”

He stopped then, unsure of how to answer. He didn’t always trust his own judgment, but he always trusted Mikey.

“Never thought of that, did you? Look, Gerard... he’s likely pretty hurt, but you’ve gotta suck it up and apologize to him, okay?” Gerard nodded in agreement. “Take some baby steps, if I know Frank he’s gonna be pretty pissed at you for a while. Just keep your hands to yourself for a while and promise me you’ll talk to him.”

Gerard looked Mikey in the eye. “I promise.”

“Good,” Mikey rolled over, “now quit thinking about fucking my guitarist and let me get some sleep.”

*

Gerard didn’t speak to anyone for the rest of the ride to the venue, and even when they finally got there. He was panicking, his heart rate through the roof, and god, he just had to get away from Frank for one fucking second.

He’d heard, he knew he’d heard, Jesus Christ, why did he have to go and say that? All he wanted was for Mikey to drop the subject, he didn’t actually mean it. He jogged through the venue to the closest restroom and slammed the door shut, locking it and throwing himself against it. Hands sliding up to his hair, he grabbed and pulled, a sob escaping him.

“God, you’re so fucked up,” he whispered, “Why do you do this to yourself, why?!” He tugged even harder on his hair, tears spilling down his cheeks. Heading to the mirror, he took a look at himself.

Who was he kidding, anyway? Frank could never love him; gorgeous Frank, slender and handsome, with a smile that could knock you off your feet. And he was just... well, he was just Gerard. Features just a tad too feminine, too angular, his body too soft for his liking. He knew it was because of the alcohol, and god, he was trying to get better about that, he swore to himself he would stop, but what was the point?

“Gee?” A soft knock at the door. “Can I come in?”

“I’m taking a shit, Mikey, I'd rather not have you watch,” he hated lying, but he just needed to be alone. “I’ll be ready for the show in a minute, okay?”

He could practically see the look on Mikey’s face. “...okay. Let me know if you need anything.”

He needed a way out, that’s what he fucking needed. A break of some sort, some way to just be alone and not think about Frank. But he had to get out there on that stage and pretend like nothing was wrong, act like he was fine, that he hadn’t fucked up royally and the band wasn’t on the verge of collapsing. He heard Brian yelling about getting out to the stage, and pulled himself together in order to face Frank.

The show thankfully was running smoothly; Ray was his usual genius self, and Frank was as wild as ever. He noticed Mikey planted himself firmly between the two of them, like a human shield. It pissed him off, knowing his own brother would try and keep him from Frank, but in hindsight, it was probably for the best.

As the show went on, he lost himself in the music and forgot his troubles, stomping over to Frank when he was lost in it, mouth open and eyes closed, looking positively orgasmic. He grabbed Frank’s shirt and they locked eyes, sweaty and out of breath, and before he could stop himself, Gerard pulled him in for a kiss. He felt the threads of Frank’s shirt begin to rip beneath his fingers, he was pulling so tightly, wanting nothing more than to devour him on that stage, but Frank broke the kiss suddenly, shaking him off with a shove.

Gerard tripped over his feet, the shove catching him off guard. “Go back over there! Don’t fucking touch me!”

Frank’s eyes were full of rage, and for a split second Gerard couldn’t fathom why; then it hit him. He fucked up, Frank had heard, and of course he was angry, why wouldn’t he be? Gerard tried not to let the hurt show, so he continued the song, strutting back across the stage.

He slunk off stage when they were finished, trailing behind Mikey. Ray was jogging after Frank, asking him what had happened. His heart sank; this wasn’t going to end well.

“He’s my fucking problem!” Frank pointed squarely at him, fuming as he flushed pink with anger. “Don’t fucking look at me like that, asshole. You know what you did.” He felt like a caged animal, afraid and angry, wanting to defend himself but knowing he’d done the indefensible. “Nothing to say, Gee? That’s funny, because you had plenty to say last night, and this morning in the van.” Fuck. “You’re just all talk, aren’t you?” Mikey promptly dragged Frank outside, separating them before things could get worse.

He sat down on the floor heavily, putting his head in his hands. Ray appeared by his side shortly, putting an arm around his shoulders.

“You love him, don’t you?” Gerard nodded. “And you’re scared. You don’t want to mess up the band, and your friendship. Sound familiar?”

“A little,” he sniffed.

“The two of you are so alike that it’s kind of scary,” Ray chuckled. “Listen, Gee, I’m not gonna tell you to be patient and to wait or whatever. Go after what you want for once, stop second guessing yourself. You want Frank, right?” He nodded. “Then do something about it! Apologize and make it right, tell him how you feel. Get up, go after him.”

“What, right now?!” Gerard didn’t see how that could possibly go well, considering how pissed off Frank was.

“No time like the present!” Ray hopped to his feet and pulled up Gerard from the ground. “Go get your man, Gee!” He practically pushed him out the door, where he nearly ran into Frank.

“Come on man, not right now, okay?”

He understood, he truly did. It pained him to know Frank was so angry, but it was his own fault.

“Just...” he could barely breathe, “just let me say I’m sorry? Please?” Frank paused, his eyes softening. “That was shitty of me, after last night and this morning. To just assume you’d be okay with me kissing you...” IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou, “I’m sorry.” Silence. Please say something, please say anything, I love you. “Okay... yeah, I’ll catch you later.”

“Yeah... I’ll see you around.” Frank passed him to walk away, but turned suddenly. “And uh.... I forgive you, Gee.” His heart soared. “It’s not cool. Like at all. And we aren’t exactly cool right now either, but... we can be.”

He felt a smile break out on his face, and he had to look away. “Yeah. Yeah, I hope so.”

As Frank walked away, Mikey strolled in behind him. “So are you two getting married yet, or what?”

*

Gerard is sitting in the van, attempting to read a comic with a crazy flashlight like he's a kid disobeying his parents and reading under his covers past bedtime.

Brian hisses something back at Gerard from the drivers seat, snorting at himself. Gerard has no idea what he said, so he stands, cramped against the roof of the van as he leans forward to ask Brian to repeat himself.

As he opens his mouth to speak, he hears hears crunch of empty bottles from the back, catching his attention and pushing whatever Brian said to the back of his mind as he locks eyes with a wide eyes and panting Frank.

"Frank? Why are you awake?" He asks. Gerard tilts his head to the side to show Frank that he's listening.

"Bad dream." Is all he hears Frank grumble. His heart breaks a little bit, forgetting what happened between them and instantly slipping into best friend mode.

"You wanna talk about it?" Gerard pushes himself up on his knees, leaning over the back of the seat and squinting into the dark end of the van. Frank declines, opting to go back to sleep, but Gerard is having none of that, knowing from personal experience that it's difficult to go back to sleep after a nightmare without a distraction.

He climbs over the back seat, getting as comfortable as he can next to Frank, looking over as Ray angrily mumbles about them _shutting the fuck up, some of us are trying to sleep, and Mikey get your hair out of my mouth._

Gerard smirks and looks back at Frank, their faces too close, causing them both to blush and look away. Gerard takes a deep breath as he maneuvers himself and Frank to lay down across the seat, their bodies pressed together tightly.

Gerard wraps an arm tight around Frank so he doesn't fall, whispering for the sake of Ray, "What happened in your dream?"

He listens with a guilty heart as Frank explains, everyone hated him, he wasn't in the band, there was no band anymore. Silently Gerard agrees that his nightmare was traumatising.

"That'll never happen, Frankie." He curses himself for the use of the nickname, hoping Frank doesn't bring up the hotel night.

He doesn't hope hard enough.

"I could have done that too, I just didn't _want_ to. We both did it, Frank. It's not just one of us at fault." Fuck. He shouldn't have said fault. He's been trying to tell himself there was nothing _wrong_ with what they did. He needs to get past this anxiety of it being bad for them. Bad for the band.

"So there is a fault? You regret it?" Frank accuses, Gerard can feel him slipping away, physically and emotionally. He tightens his arm around Frank's middle.

"Frank-," He sighs, "No, I- I don't regret it. I just-" He stops to search his brain for reasons why the _shouldn't_ , the list getting shorter and shorted as his heart rate quickens and his cheeks warm up.

"Why won't you give it a go? You want me. You want me and I want you." Frank breathes. His hand is resting on the side of Gerard's head.

"Frank."

"You do. Just let me, _please_." Their lips are a hair width away, Frank hand sliding to the back and Gerard gasps, "Fuck, yes, please."

His voice sounds hoarse, but he can hardly care when Frank's lips are sliding over his own, they've never done this for themselves. Where no one else can see them. It feels so much dirtier to Gerard, a groan being punched out of his chest as Frank pushes his tongue between Gerard's teeth, as Frank's hands reach down and pull Gerard closer by his ass.

As their crotches line up, Gerard's brain suddenly fairs panic. No, no no, he can't. He has _reasons_ , a list of reasons why this can't happen. It's not just for him, or Frank, he can't jeopardise this for Ray and Mikey either. Or Brian, who gives them so much time, so much patience. He can't.

"Fuck no, stop." He starts, his mouth moving as he continues to beg Frank to let him go.

Frank pulls back with fire in his eyes, but when Gerard looks closer he can see it's hurt too. He hurt Frank _again_.

He hears Frank hissing at him from where he's turned his back, words vicious as he tells Gerard to leave him alone. _Don't touch him, don't touch him_. But he can't stop his traitorous hand from reaching over and attempting to calm the situation.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Frank explodes. Gerard stops breathing.

Tears pour down Franks cheeks, Gerard's heart drops into his stomach. He feels poisoned, his entire body aching to hold Frank, his insides feeling like they're turning to liquid.

"On stage, in the van, when we're out in the day, at all. _Don't fucking touch me again_." Frank sobs. He turns back to the seat, completely blocking Gerard out.

Gerard whispers, "I'm sorry," with the remaining breath in his body, he slips back over the seat and sits there, numb. He's such a fuck up. He brings his knees up and starts sobbing into his hands as he leans forward.

He knows, he knows he's fucking with Frank. His impulses push him, he gives over too easy, but his anxiety gets the best of him.

By the time his tears end, his head is pounding and his body is aching. He slumps down in the seat and closes his eyes, his heart clenching every time he hears Frank sniffle behind him.

The next day he notices the bags under Frank's eyes, the way he snaps at everyone for everything. Gerard does his best to ignore it and give Frank his space, steadily getting irritated throughout the day as Frank takes offence in everything. But he finally snaps and steps in when Frank starts yelling at Mikey and pushing his shoulders.

"Hey! Don't touch him!" Gerard leans over to pull Frank away gently, but before he can react his face bursts with pain.

He stumbles back against the van, his head ringing as his eyes refocus and he sees Frank screaming at him. His eyes are manic and his hair is wild.

Gerard's stomach turns as he realises; he did this. He made Frank act like this. His head is still spinning as he registers Frank falling to his knees with his face in his hands. Again, his first reaction is to go over and wrap his arms around Frank, rock him in his lap and kiss his forehead and soothe Frank until he's calm. Until he can hold Frank's face in his palms and whisper to him, only to him, how much he loves him.

His eyes water as Mikey links his arm through the only arm of Gerard's that isn't reaching up and holding his aching jaw.

He's yanked away firmly, Mikey pulling him along as his feet stumble beneath him. He looks back to see Ray on his knees next to Frank.

He swallows the bile that rises in his throat and turns to Mikey.

"I hurt him so bad."

"I know, I know, Gee. I heard you fight last night."

"I don't know how to fix it. I don't want to ruin the band, if I tell him how I feel, it'll ruin the band." Gerard cries. Mikey hums and pulls Gerard into his arms.

"Gee, if you don't tell him, it'll ruin the band. Look how he's been acting all day, he's a ticking bomb."

Gerard sighs and snorts in through his nose. His mouth fills with everything that was harbouring in his nostrils and he grimaces as he spits it into the grass.

"Fuck, now I can understand why he can't resist you." Mikey laughs, bumping his shoulder into Gerard.

Gerard chuckles quietly, spitting once more before he says "That's gross, as my brother you shouldn't make jokes about finding me irresistible."

"Hey, got ya laughing didn't I?" Mikey smiles, "Just keep your distance tonight, he needs space."

Gerard agrees, he needs space too. He could write a note, he has the drafts in his makeup bag, in his duffle back. Fuck, if Frank ever found them.

Mikey slips his arm back around Gerard's shoulder, bringing him in for a tight hug and then leading them back to the van. He wordlessly pushes Gerard into the back, sitting in the seat in front to create a barrier between Gerard and Frank, who is sitting in the front and crowing and Brian.

Gerard just closes his eyes and lightly naps all the way the the venue, jostling awake as Ray creaks open the double doors at the back.

He throws himself out and slowly makes his way to the venue bathroom.

He splashes water over his face and assesses the fat, purple bruise on his jaw. Luckily he's not to swollen. He opens his mouth as wide as it can go, pulling his mouth into different shapes to simulate singing, pleasantly surprised to find it doesn't hurt _too_ much, enough to know it's there but not enough to impact his performance.

Before he knows it, he's on stage and screaming into the mic, the day's frustrations leaving him one word at a time.

He's about to start the next verse when Frank's guitar slides past his feet and into the shadow of the side stage. He looks up to find Frank pushing his way to find the crowd, heading to the bar.

What the _fuck_ is he doing?

Gerard watches in shock as Frank slams shot after shot, coughing weakly into his fist as he turns back to the silent crowd.

One guy, an asshole for encouraging Frank, Gerard decides, yells "Fuck yeah, dude!", the rest of the crowd (also assholes) join in, forming a channel in the crowd for Frank to run back down, throwing himself back on stage.

His arrogance seems to have left his body as Gerard watches him walk over and pick up his guitar, glaring along with Ray and Mikey as Frank gulps and gets back to playing.

Gerard keeps an eye on him for the rest of the set, leading them all off stage as Ray pulls Frank by the arm.

Gerard can't hold it in anymore.

"And just what the fuck was that, Frank?" He yells, fists clenching so hard he can feel his short nails digging into his palms.

"Oh so it's okay when _you_ to fuck up a perfectly good moment, but it's forbidden for anyone else to!" Frank screams, he steps closer, his eyes flicking up to Gerard's bruised jaw, his face going blank.

"No I'm with Gee on this one Frank, that was stupid." Ray says sadly, his face is red from the show.

"I don't want to do this anymore." Frank whispers.

Gerard's throat constricts, his lungs turning to lead, he needs to get out of here. He ruined it. He ruined it all. The band, his friendships, every bit of progress he's made since he got sober.

He feels something hit his back as Frank yells "FUCK YOU. I'M DONE BECAUSE OF YOU. MY DREAMS ARE OVER BECAUSE OF YOU."

Gerard sees red.

"Don't you fucking _dare,_ Frank." He grits out. This ends now.

"Why? You don't care. You've broken my heart _twice_ this week. I don't want to be part of this anymore, I can't pretend I don't want you anymore." Frank whispers the last part. Gerard breathes in a big breath. He needs to do it, he's not being fair, Frank isn't being fair either. This should have only ever stayed between them.

"You dick. That's not fair." Gerard sighs.

"No, you know what's not fair? Texting someone and telling them how much you want them, calling them and making them want you even more than they already did, kissing them and getting their hopes up. And taking it away immediately. THAT isn't fair." Frank finishes with tears brimming in his eyes.

Gerard knows he's standing there like an idiot. He shakes his head and prepares himself for more yelling.

"Can we- I mean, will you come into the dressing room to talk?" Gerard please. Fuck, please, _please_ say yes, he begs inside. He links his fingers together so tightly it's painful. He deserves it.

Frank raises an eyebrow and smirks "Why? Do you want to fuck me and then skin me alive?"

"No, I just want to talk. I promise, I need to say some things." Gerard is about to get on his knees and beg, but Frank huffs out a breath and waves an arm as if to say, go ahead.

Gerard stumbles stupidly into a dressing room, all the anxiety leaving him and he's rushing towards Frank instantly, his arms crushing him as Gerard sobs into Frank's sweaty stage clothes.

" _I'm sorry, I'm sorry_." He pleads. He holds tighter as he continues begging for Frank to forgive him. He starts blurting how he feels, pressing himself closer to Frank's warm body. He feels so at home here, wrapped up in Frank. His smell, his aura, his warmth. He needs Frank. He knows that now. He's spent too long fighting it.

He realises he's been blabbing to Frank for at least a minute, somewhere in the speech his eyes have scrunched closed. In embarrassment or in fear of Frank's rejection, he doesn't know. He opens them and says what he's wanted to say for months.

"I think- I think I'm in love with you?"

Frank just stares at him, his eyes glistening from the tears he's shed. Gerard gulps and his heart drops just a little more.

"Please. Say something." He begs.

Frank seems to snap out out of whatever trance he was in, hastily spitting out a mouthful of words. Gerard stares at him. Frank breathes in before he tries again.

"I think I'm in love with you too." He smiles.

Fireworks. In Gerard's eyes and in his veins. His heart jumps back into place, his brain unshriveling and his lungs unlocking so he can breathe freely again. He breathes in and doesn't hesitate to leap on Frank and kiss him, moaning at how right it feels, how perfectly their bodies fit together. This is how it's supposed to be, the universe just feels less unstable like this. Gerard reaches down to grab what he can, his hands landing on Frank's ass as he yanks him closer and presses their crotches together.

His breath catches in his throat again, agreeing to Frank's begging. Yes, fuck yes they'll be in a hotel room together. It's not over yet, this is the beginning.

He blinks at Frank with stars in his eyes, the greyness of the world corrected, everything finally saturated in colour again, starting with Frank's eyes. Gerard welcomes the lips back on his own, smiling into the kiss and following Frank out of the room, leaving behind every thing bad that has happened, stepping into his new, life with Frank. Who _loves_ him back.

*

His body was buzzing, practically alight with arousal; he couldn’t believe he was finally going to have sex, sex with Frank. He wanted to shout it from the roof of this shitty hotel, he wanted everyone to know he was about to get fucked but Frank Iero, because goddamnit, that’s something to be proud of.

Frank’s lips were soft against his own, sweet and gentle, and he moaned as Gerard slipped his tongue inside his mouth. He could’ve stayed like that forever, connected to Frank’s lips, but the feeling of Frank’s fingers softly squeezing his sides brought everything crashing down around him.

He had forgotten that he was just Gerard, that he was average, just some guy, while Frank was practically perfect in his eyes. Anxiety surged in him.

But when Frank protested, promised him he wanted him, showed him with his words, his hands, and his mouth... maybe he was telling the truth? Frank wouldn’t lie to him, he wouldn’t hurt him, Gerard knew that now. His brain finally, thankfully, shut the fuck up when Frank’s lips and tongue latched onto his nipple, pulling a string of curses from his mouth.

Without a second thought, Frank fell to his knees, licking up the underside of his cock, teasing him, placing sucking kisses on his balls.

“Fuck, fuck, Frankie please,” he begged, wanting to feel more, the selfish virgin in him coming out to play. “Need you, need you to fuck me.” Frank groaned around his cock, the shock of it making him groan.

Frank sucked dick like a goddamn champ, and Gerard didn’t wanna think on that too long or else he knew he’d get jealous, but Frank’s mouth was too distracting. It took all his willpower to not thrust forward and just start fucking his mouth, but he wanted this to last, wanted to remember it. He didn’t want to be your stereotypical virgin that blows his load in five minutes.

He looked down to see Frank’s free hand moving in his boxers, and fuck, if that wasn’t the hottest thing he’d ever seen in his life. The look of pure ecstasy on his face was enough to nearly send Gerard over the edge, so he stopped, urging Frank to pull off him.

“Not yet, Frankie. Wanna feel you.”

“Are you sure?” Was this kid serious?

“What kind of question is that?” Gerard was bordering on incredulous. “Yes I’m fucking sure,” he spread himself on the bed, “now get over here and fuck me, dingus.”

Frank rolled Gerard on his stomach, pushing him up on his knees so he was spread, practically presenting himself like he was in heat (he might as well have been at that point). He grabbed two handfuls of Gerard’s ass, squeezing firmly. “Fuck, your ass is amazing. Gonna fuckin’ eat you out.”

Those were the words he was longing to hear. “Oh god, yes,” he whined, hearing Frank giggle at his excitement. “What, like I wouldn’t be excited? Why do you think I was cleaning my ass?” He thought back to what should have been an embarrassing moment, as Frank burst through the bathroom door while he was cleaning his ass. He was proud of himself for playing it off coolly, but inside he was freaking out.

And he was still freaking out, knowing he was on his knees, back arched, completely vulnerable on a squeaky bed in a shoddy hotel room, offering not only sex but his heart to this man he was completely gone on. Waiting for Frank to begin was agonizing, and when he felt the younger man shift behind him, he looked back in confusion.

Frank sat up, draping himself over Gerard’s back and planted a sweet kiss to the corner of his lips. “Love you, Gee.”

Gerard had to stop himself from beaming. “Love you too, Frankie. Now eat my ass.”

Frank was a goddamn tease, and Gerard was on the verge of screaming in frustration and pleasure. He was so slow, Frank’s tongue running flat up against his hole, dipping inside ever-so slightly. Gerard’s hands twisted tightly in the sheets, pulling them as Frank pushed his tongue in just a fraction deeper. “Frankie, fuck, you gotta give me more than that.” Right on cue, Frank sucked on his hole, pausing to push his tongue deeper inside, saliva sliding down his perineum. “Fuuuuck, baby,” he whined, squirming beneath Frank’s hands, “yes, just like that, justlikethat, please please please.”

He bit his lip as Frank pushed a finger inside. “Touch yourself.” His hand flew to his dick, stroking hard and fast. “Slowly now, I don’t want you coming before I’m inside you.” He slowed down, albeit reluctantly, and whimpered at the delicious friction. “That’s my good boy, you should see yourself, Gerard. Fuck, you look so good.” Frank couldn’t see his face, but Gerard blushed at the praise, wondering if this was something they could explore in the future.

The future.

Frank scrambled to get the lube, abandoning Gerard on the bed to be left to his own devices. He couldn’t resist it anymore, rocking his hips down into his fist, the sensations sending waves of pleasure up his spine and down to his toes. He heard Frank groan behind him, and a rustle of clothing that signaled he’d finally removed his boxers. The bed dipped as Frank spoke. “I’m gonna start with just one again.”

“Fuck you, Iero,” Gerard panted, “you’re starting with two fingers or I’m doing it myself.”

“Okay, okay, two fingers... bossy motherfucker.” He felt Frank’s hand shake when he placed it gently on his hip; was Frank nervous too? “Okay baby, here-“

God, Gerard was sick of waiting. “Put them in me Frank, I wanna feel it.” He felt Frank hesitate, his fingers resting against his entrance. “I’m not gonna break, okay?”

Finally Frank pushed his fingers in, Gerard’s ass practically welcoming them with open arms. He groaned loudly, obscenities falling from his mouth as he rocked back against Frank’s hand, trying to feel as full as possible. “God, that feels so good,” he moaned brokenly, sweat beading along his skin. “Harder Frankie, please, I want you to fuck me!”

Frank pulled out then, clearly worried he was going to hurt Gerard. “This isn’t like with a woman, I can’t just stick it in.”

Gerard was struck with a thought at that moment: had Frank never slept with a man? He wasn’t really one to talk, he’d never slept with anyone, but if Frank was also a virgin (sort of) perhaps that explained his shaking hands. That brought him comfort to know he wasn’t alone in his anxiety, that this confident, self assured man sometimes had his own moments of self doubt.

“Have you ever been with a man before?” It wasn’t that it mattered; he was jus curious.

Frank stuttered, suddenly looking shy. “Well... no, no I haven’t been with a man. Is that like... a deal-breaker?” Gerard couldn’t help but laugh.

“Why would that matter, Frankie? I haven’t been with anyone, so it’s not a big deal.” He planted a kiss on Frank’s lips, pulling the younger man on top of him. “Was just wondering. You’re real good at this for a newbie.”

Frank huffed. “Well thanks. I’ve uh... done some research.”  
“Research?” Gerard grinned wolfishly, grabbing hold of Frank’s ass and giving it a good squeeze, enjoying the cute blush that bloomed across Frank’s face. “Frankie. Have you been watching gay porn?”

“I’m bi, okay? I thought that was obvious?”

Gerard shrugged. “A little. Always thought you preferred girls, but I’m glad you’re into me.” He surged up, kissing Frank passionately, pulling back with a wet pop. “Now let’s get back to business.” Gerard spread his legs, helping Frank to settle on top of him. “Do you have condoms?”

The look on Frank’s face was priceless: horrified, like a child whose candy was taken from them. Gerard tried his best not to laugh, feeling bad that he honestly hoped they wouldn’t be using a condom; he wanted all of Frankie, to be as close as they could possibly be.

“Uh... no, no I don’t.” Gerard slapped a hand over his eyes dramatically, doing his best to act disappointed. “Gee, you haven’t been with anyone, right?” He nodded, hand still over his eyes. “And I’ve only been with girls, and we’ve always used protection... Would you be okay with maybe not using one?”

Duh.

“I mean... if you’re okay with it, I’m okay with it. I think I’d prefer to completely feel you our first time, anyway. My first time.” He looked at Frank through his lashes, biting his lip and going for innocence, although he knew in his heart he wasn’t innocent at all. He wanted to feel Frank deep inside him, wanted to feel him shudder and come.

Nope, nothing innocent about it.

Frank prepped himself then, spreading a generous amount of lubricant on his dick. His eyes closed and his mouth fell open, his expression much the same as it was when they were on stage, pure ecstasy. Gerard had to stop himself from begging as he hooked his legs around Frank’s back.

“You sure you’re ready?” Frank looked nervous, like Gerard was going to turn him down.

“Never been more sure in my life,” he smiled then, pulling Frank in for a kiss and grabbing a pillow to prop up his hips.

When Frank finally entered him, it was shocking how full he felt; it knocked the wind out of him, his breath catching in his chest. He gasped out Frank’s name, his last semblance of sanity flying out the window when he bottomed out. Fuck, this was it, Frank was inside him, filling him up, pushing him to his limits, every nerve buzzing with pain and pleasure, and it was perfect.

He was moaning and scraping at Frank’s back, his hips bucking, trying to get more friction. “Baby, are you okay?”

No, Frank, I am not fucking okay, my body is on fire and the only way to put it out is for you to pound me into this bed! “Yes, yes, just fucking move, goddamnit,” he panted, attempting to thrust his hips up. “God, want you to fuck me so hard, Frankie, wanna feel you for days.”

And that was all Frank needed, as he pulled back with a curse and slammed home, pushing Gerard’s entire body up the bed. Gerard cried out, begging for more, god, it was too good. Frank grabbed his leg, propping his knee on his shoulder and continued thrusting, hitting that elusive spot inside Gerard that made his back arch and his eyes roll back into his head. So that’s why everyone loved sex so much.

“Touch yourself, baby. Wanna see you come, know you want to. Come on, Gee.” Frank kept thrusting, sweat rolling down his back as Gerard’s hand flew to his dick, fisting it tightly, jerking himself in time with Frank’s thrusts. “You’re so beautiful, so amazing,” he panted, never slowing down, driving Gerard insane as he kept hitting his prostate. Gerard moaned loudly as his fist twisted on the up-stroke on his dick. “That’s it, baby, such a good boy.”  
“Oh my god, Frank, I’m gonna come,” he groaned, and god, he’d never get tired of Frank calling him a good boy. He felt his balls draw up tightly, and his spine began to tingle.

“Look at me,” Frank demanded, “open your eyes and look at me when you come.”

Gerard obeyed instantly, his eyes locking with Frank’s, and he was blown away by the desire he saw in them. They were both completely silent, the only noise in the room the squeaking of the bed and the slap of their sweaty skin meeting. He couldn’t take it any longer, and when Frank brought him in for a kiss, he finally let go, orgasm shaking him physically and emotionally.

He felt Frank follow him shortly, doing his best to keep his arms from giving out. When he pulled out, Gerard frowned at the feeling of emptiness, throwing an arm over his eyes, afraid Frank would see his eyes shining.

“Jesus Christ, Frankie,” he breathed as he felt Frank licking the come off his hand and stomach, “that was... oh my god, I need a second.”

They curled up together, kicking themselves for waiting so long to finally get to this point. Gerard knew they couldn’t change the past, and truthfully, he wouldn’t want to; every argument, every tantrum, every tear, had led them to this moment. He was finally in Frank’s arms, able to touch and kiss and love. It was perfect.

“Love you, Gee,” Frank whispered as he pulled Gerard close.

“Love you too, Frankie.”

As his mind and body began to settle, tired from the tour and the fantastic sex he’d just had, Gerard thought back to the letter in his makeup bag, the letter he’d hidden from Frank for so long. He looked to Frank, realizing he was out like a light.

“One day, my love,” he whispered, tracing the birds on his abdomen. He wanted him to have the letter right this second, but he knew it was too much. They’d only just confessed their love, and he didn’t want to risk scaring him away. “I swear to you, you’ll know it all. One day.”

**Author's Note:**

> whoomp there it is. 
> 
> we have a small part 3 in the works, an epilogue of sorts. we can't say how long it'll be but we hope we won't be keeping you waiting too long! 
> 
> thank you so much for making it this far, I wish I could send flowers to all of you. 
> 
> comment and scream at us so we hurry up with part 3, and also to tell us how we did.


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